Volume 4 Issue 10

December, 2003

Deconstruction

What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow:  our life is the creation of our mind.

- Dhammapada

I am relaxed.  Now she is giving breathing instructions.  Breathe in long, slow, deep inhalations.  Breathe out a long, slow, soft exhalation.  She wants us to breathe to the rhythm she is giving.  That’s nice:  deep, full breaths.  I can do that.  Oops, what’s that?  There’s a little tension there at the end of that breath in.  Okay, okay, I can relax on the breath out.  Sort of.  I know, just breathe more slowly.  Relax shoulders, relax.  Breathing out, good, the shoulders are a little more relaxed.  Breathing in, soft, relaxed, yes—except my jaw.  Oh, now what?  Relax jaw, relax throat.  Why is my body tensing like this?  I know, if I just breathe at my own rhythm...it’s actually a little longer than what she is asking.  Will I miss some nuance if I do that?  I will try again at her rhythm.  Breathe in, long, deep, soft inhalation.    Oh, no, it’s Debbie’s birthday.  I forgot.  What will I do?  Obviously too late for a gift to arrive on time.  I’ll call her.  That’s it, I’ll call.  I wonder what the time change is?  Great, now my thighs are tense.  Soften thighs, you can do it.  There, there, at the top of the inhale, is that tension in my shoulders?  And, now the jaw.  I’ll bet my forehead is wrinkled like a shar pei.  I don’t think I’ll ever be able to relax doing this.  And, I felt so good before she started the breathing instruction.  I wonder if everyone else is having this problem?  Am I the only one who doesn’t have a clue? 

I give up.  I quit.  I’m just going to lie here and breathe in and out.  I’m going to let my body relax like it did in Savasana.  I’m not even going to worry about the breathing exercise.  Okay, that’s better.  My chest is expanding for the breath in but my throat is sinking, like one of those sinkholes in Florida.  It’s so soft.  When I breathe in the chest rises and the shoulders spread.  More sinking in the throat.  Look at that, my thighs are relaxing now.  The inner thighs are sinking.  What do you know?  My breath is getting longer, all by itself!  Listen, listen, I think my breath is now in rhythm with her.  Amazing.  How did that happen?

Long, slow deep breath in.   Long, slow, soft exhale.  Long, slow deep breath in.   Long, slow, soft exhale. . .

Yoga chitta vrtti nirodhah.  With Yoga the fluctuations of the mind are still.– Sutra 1.2

Abhyasa-vairagyabhaym tan-nirodhah.  The restriction of these fluctuations is achieved through practice and dispassion.—Sutra 1.12

With savasana we are introduced to the concept of stillness and the possibilities of peace to come.  With pranayama the breath brings physiological quiet to the body, as well as serving as a seed for meditation which stills the mind.  Since the stilling of the fluctuations of the mind is a product of discipline and surrender, if our approach to pranayama is forced, the experience of peace is delayed. 

Prior to, and after, pranayama we lie in savasana.  Savasana before pranayama invites stillness.  Savasana after is an opportunity to know the vibration of pranayama where the body and mind are receptive to a deep peace.  In pranayama we learn about the qualities of the breath and how to control it.  The instructions we receive are in the restraints and control of the breath,  however true pranayama is a spontaneous action born of diligent practice and dispassionate curiosity. 

Similarly, the yamas (non-violence, honesty, non-stealing, restraint, and non-hoarding) are more than guidelines for a moral life.  Yamas are the qualities abiding within, characteristics of our true nature that are released through practice and dispassion.  With yoga our minds and bodies become stronger and more powerful than we may have ever dreamed possible. 

With maturity discipline takes on a different quality which requires less input from our ego.  However, with this maturity the ego has become strong and would like to stick around and enjoy the rewards of its efforts. 

Niyamas are universal observances—cleanliness, contentment, strength of character, self-study, and the dedication of the fruits of all our actions to God.  Practice of the niyamas keep the ego from becoming too strong.  Yamas, which require a strong self, strengthen the self.  Niyamas are the tools we use to reign in the uncontrolled ego.

An interesting symbiosis exists between the yamas and niyamas.  For example, aparigraha is non-hoarding.  Just as anorexia and obesity are two sides of the same compulsion, so there is the danger in our perception of non-hoarding.  Non-hoarding does not refer to having no possessions while desiring them more.  It is the ability to release possessions without remorse or conflict.   The quality of contentment, the niyama santosa, is developed through the practice of the yama aparigraha, non-hoarding.

This time of year is a good time to practice aparigraha.  Many of us begin collecting at this time of year.  It is the season.  It is a time of change, of harvest, of bounty.  Riding the wave of plenty we eat too much, accept too many gifts and too many invitations.  Our homes, full of possessions, are prime examples of hoarding. 

How can we have union with God when we hold so tightly to possessions and a sense of self separate from God?  When we identify with our mind as a totally separate being we deny our talents.  It is by releasing the ego’s definition of power, success, and possessions that we come to know our true nature.

It is difficult to let go.  The joy of letting go, however, is unbelievable.  And the best part is, with this joy comes an understanding that makes it easier the next time.

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Look Deeply

...then more deeply still

Thanks to Wisty Rorabacher for the photo

Who Am I?

There is a Zen koan that asks, “What was your face before your mother and father knew you?”  With this koan the meditator comes to know the ego and its many faces. 

In yoga we let go of the self by meditating on the qualities of deities,  and, spiritual sounds and symbols.  With these meditations the self is lost in the qualities of the seed of our meditation.  We identify less with ego, which is like a baby, and mature into the identity of our true nature. 

Lie in Savasana.  Watch the breath.  When the breath is deep, soft and slow, and the mind has settled into its rhythm, ask yourself, “Who am I?”  First comes the traditional responses of mother, employee, artist, etc.  Ask again and again.  Who are you—before you became the person of your daily life?  Who are you when released of all responsibility?  Who are you when you breathe your last breath?  Who are you?  Keep asking.  Do not accept the answer.  Ask again.

Come out of Savasana.  Sit in a comfortable position.  Envision, or place in front of you, a picture or statue, of what you hold most sacred.  Let those qualities fill your being.  Breathe in the pain and conflict brought to us by the ego.  Breathe out to all your cells and to other beings the qualities of God.

At the end of your meditation (2 minutes or 20 minutes—your choice).  Bring the palms together in front of the heart, with gratitude, bow.  Come up to sitting, bring the hands to the thighs.  Bring yourself back to daily life.

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