Radiation Begins

October 27, 2003

Today is my first radiation treatment.  The appointments were backed up and I waited in the reception area for over 1/2  hour.  I asked if it was typical.  No.

Once I was on the table they took some films and gave me treatment.  It took about 1-1/2 hours.  My arms are over head the entire time.  One radiation tech asked me what yoga move I was going to use bringing my arms down to create greater comfort.  All I could think of was just bringing them down from overhead.  That was enough.  I think it would be nice for them to include a trapeze mounted on the table so we wouldn't have to hold our arms so close together (hands holding the arms in place).  I think that would really be tough for someone who had just had surgery - I had 6 months of movement to prepare me.  It could just be PVC pipe, could have marks for where one's hands should be placed. 

Once it was over and I was in the changing area I began gasping for breath, on the verge of hyperventilating.  Hmmm.  Maybe it was the cold.  Boy, was it cold.

October 28, 2003

Today, only about 1/2 hour on the table.  Things are getting better.  Still had the gasping afterwards.  The cold?  Or, is it just getting over a still scary event?

October 29, 2003

Today treatment is much shorter, but today, I'm told, I see the doctor.  I didn't know which day of the week would be the day for a doctor visit.  Maybe I should have asked.  For sure, I should have known.  He was delayed with another patient.  I waited over 1/2 hour which wasn't good with my schedule.  I just want them to let me know.  If I have to keep 3 hours open each day and actually, then don't need it, that's okay.  They just need to give me an idea.

Gasping again.  Though I wasn't as cold.  Hot flashes, I presume due to the Arimidex. I'm wondering.  The doctor showed me on CAT scan pictures where the 3 shots are aimed.  Hits my lung, particularly on the last.  I'm wondering if my lungs are responding a bit to that at the end of the session.  The doc says that the only persons who would notice the lung damage are those who are already compromised, like persons with a lung disease.  Still, I wonder if someone who uses their lungs couldn't help but notice - like wouldn't Lance Armstrong?

October 30, 2003

We're getting a rhythm with this.  I can live with it.  So much less frustration for me now.  I'm getting pretty tired.  Perhaps it's just from adding 1-2 hours of activity to each day.  I am working on eliminating some classes for the next couple of months, either by canceling or with subs.

October 31, 2003

This morning it was difficult to swallow.  I put off taking supplements because it just seemed as though it would be difficult.  As a matter of fact, I was taking a big swallow of water in the car.  It didn't go down, but projected out all over the front of the dash, etc. of the car.  I can't drink and drive now : )   I was going to go our for lunch with Bob, but suggested we stay home.  If I was going to regurgitate, better in the privacy of my own home.  But it wasn't a problem.   The good news is that food is easier to swallow than water.  I had a good lunch. 

Today Bob took me to treatment.  I asked, "You are going to drive?"  He replies he would if I wanted.  Then when he asked directions he didn't wait for my answer (twice).  He was being the needy Bob.  We'll see how it goes next week.  If he can drive me and take charge, that would be great.  If not, I don't need it.  It's tough to understand.  He tends to notice so many more details than I do.  I have known where NARTI pretty much since first moving here, even before I knew what it was.  There is a sign on the bypass, it's like a landmark.  It has a bigger sign than MacDonalds.  We drive past it whenever we go to the airport in Tulsa.  He remembers details.  He behaved as though he had absolutely no idea where we were going.  We are stressed.

No gasping.  Getting used to the routine.  Perhaps it was psychological. 

Very tired.

November 1, 2003

Very, very tired.  It's been a long week.  Arleen told me that her daughter had received radiation and chemo for cancer treatment and maintained her schedule as a school teacher throughout.  I asked her if she was tired.  Arleen says, "Oh, GOD, yes."  Whenever I'm tired I hear that.  It is so helpful.  Being tired doesn't mean you must also be pitiful or sad.  Sadness is only related to expectations.

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