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It's The Way Things Go Sometimes
November 4, 2003
Today I met a woman who was waiting for
radiation. She was thin, her skin was sallow (yellow even), she
had a tube projecting from somewhere in her chest (I think).
She told me she had breast cancer about 4 years ago. The
breast cancer is gone, now she has another cancer. Though
she gave a bright demeanor, and hopeful, it is always
disconcerting to meet one of the possibilities of one's future.
November 5, 2003
I told the techs at the radiation place about
my log. they wanted to know if their names were given.
I guess they, at least, do not want to remain anonymous.
Each time I go for radiation (at least 3 out of
5 times) there is something to do, or something happens that makes
the visit longer than I expect. I'm pretty relaxed with that
now. Today it was a long wait to see the doctor and people
were being very conciliatory and helpful. Maybe I was a real
bitch last week. Anyway, I brought my book and had nothing
scheduled until much later in the day so I thought I was pretty
calm.
They took films yesterday and today. I
was too tired to ask why. The doctor showed me where my
esophagus was receiving some radiation. He says it's
possible the swallowing thing could get worse. If there is
pain he can prescribe a numbing med for the throat, which doesn't
really work, or a pain med which doesn't work too well either.
Maybe it won't get worse.
I think my eyebrows are coming in - I can feel
some fuzzy stuff. This is really good news.
November 7, 2003
I think the fatigue, so far, from radiation is
just the stress of having to visit a healthcare establishment 5
days a week. No matter how nice they are, they just seem to
have trouble getting it right. They said things that lead me
to believe that once the kinks are out it's almost fast food
healthcare, you could probably just have a drive up window.
Don't believe it. There's always something that goes wrong.
For a 20 minute treatment and a 15 minute drive each way the best
I can hope for is a little over an hour each day. Now, I'm
not complaining about that. That, I think, is great!
It has happened once in 10 visits. I know people in Las
Vegas would love those odds, but they're having fun. I am
not. And, I'm still trying to schedule my life. The
reason I bring this up is for the opportunity to share my funny
story. Yesterday, while waiting in the cold hallway with my
little Zubwear cap swathed in a much too large robe, waiting, one
of the radiation techs came in through the back door complaining
to the other techs as she walked through the hallway, "Boy, now I
remember why I always get my license plates online. It was
such a wait....so hot....." and on about the reasons she had to
wait. I agree, it can be so unreasonable at the DMV, but, I
thought it was funny, someone in this facility complaining about
waiting. We patients do it everyday.
This morning after my shower - hair! It
was long enough that it stuck straight up, about 1/2 inch I think.
It is salt and pepper and, sticking up like that, made me look
surprised. I didn't even have to wear the reading glasses,
that are so strong they used to give me headaches but now work
quite well without headache, to see it. However, looking
through them to my eyes I saw eyelashes. Even better.
I can feel eyebrows but they are very light so I can't see them.
I guess I need more magnification.
Wednesday I met Gwen who was looking at an
article on yoga with a picture of a person doing a pose that
looked difficult but I know to be not so. I told her she
could do it, with some practice and effort, no problem. I
asked her to show me how flexible she was. Not as much as I
had thought. So, I said, why don't you just take a yoga
class? That would get you that last bit of flexibility you
are looking for. This opened the door for her to tell me
about her poor exercise course treatments in the past. She
had been referred to her doctor for the free CancerFit class at a
local gym. It is a franchised program that exercise people
learn in a workshop. It has a great resource manual. I
kind of figured it would be okay. That gym's exercise floor
is not accessible so it is a problem for really frail people or
those in chairs, but I thought it would be okay. From her
comments, it wasn't okay for her. And, as an exercise
specialist myself, it sounds as thought they have dropped the
ball. But, I'm not surprised. You don't get groups of
exercisers from the cancer roles. they come in now and then
and usually not really identified as that. They usually come
to exercise after they feel much stronger and cancer is not much
more than just a thing. In that case many cancer survivors
don't need a special program. Hopefully we can get something
going at the cancer support home. I get exercise every day
in my job. How bad it would be if I had to actually make
myself go somewhere. I'm not really sure I would do that.
But, I did feel safe almost every day in terms of germs and
bacteria in the places I frequented. That's another
important aspect to getting us out of our houses.
November 8, 2003
Yesterday morning I woke up feeling, as usual,
very bad. My feet hurt, my joints ached, I was tired.
I recalled that in the past I generally felt very good on
waking. There are a lot of people who never feel good in
the morning. Another opportunity for gratitude - at least
I had mornings when I felt good. The really good news is
that I felt better yesterday and today than I have in quite some
time. Perhaps this is a trend.
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