Up Days and Down Days

June 6, 2003

Feeling right fine today.  Bought a couple of wigs so I could dress up with hair if I had a mind to.  One is neon pink, it's glorious.  I have been able to begin taking my supplements again, including the new ones given me by the naturopath.  Food is still not right, but I'm able to think about it in a positive light. 

I heard from Geeta.  The program she sent is very much like the one I was using.  I will try again.  Maybe it will be different next treatment.  Of course, today it will be like heaven.

June 7, 2003

I feel like myself today.  I had burritos for lunch.  I had a beer in the evening while I watched a movie.  We rented movies, 3 of them, and have watched 2.  Very disappointing films.  I think they make movies just to have something new on the shelves at the video place.

I worked a 6 hour shift at the exercise center after teaching a yoga class and meeting with one personal training client.  It was all very tiring, but I was glad I could do it.  The last several days we have actually taken the dogs for walks, their first in 2 months.  The dogs are very pleased.  They are large and during the first half of the walk do a lot of pulling and now I feel my arm can handle it, as long as we don't run into any loose dogs who feel like being top.

Was a bit hesitant to record this.  It's too weird, but I'm afraid I will forget the moment.  I am actually looking forward to the next treatment to see if it happens again.  I found the restorative yoga postures that were given to another yogini who was going through treatment for breast cancer as too much.  Unbelievably, they were actually too much effort and made me feel more ill while in them.  I opted for lying on my side curled up in a fetal position more often than not.  I usually would fall asleep.  Once I did stay in any other posture for longer than a minute, it was supported forward bends:  adho mukha virasana and adho mukha baddha konasana.  While in these postures the first time, and not again afterwards, I lost touch with my body.   I was observing the postures from an energetic point of view, and the energetics were pretty poor.  It felt like I had only the most meager of energy available to me, a burned out match.  There was no emanation of light or heat, there was no mass.  It was very interesting.

  Dale on Chemo

June 8, 2003

The buzzcut is losing its substantiality. Each day I can wipe my hands across my head and have quite a bit of fuzz falling into the bathroom sink.  Because of this I shaved my head.  It's not the greatest job, but at least I don't have little hairs falling beneath my collar and causing my back to itch.  The other thing is that I'm losing body hair, particularly in  places where it appeared as I matured into a woman.  Does this mean I'm reverting to adolescence?  My friend, Kitty, says I'm styling, that she knows women who go through quite a bit to remove that hair.  Hmmm.

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